Where are you neverland?



I’m almost 20 yrs old and i’m at my 4th yr in my college life but since i transffered from a different course so some of my subjects did not got credited so i started as a first yr again and i’m in my 3rd yr in college studying bachelor of science in business administration.

 As i have said i’m almost 20 yrs old and i’m in a relationship but still i don’t know what to do with my life. Before i graduated i wanted to be an architect! Which really suits me, really, because i took the national career assessment test and the result was that engineering courses fits me so that’s that. But i did not passed the entrance exam for the university that i wanted to go because that is the only school where i could get almost free education because my mother works for that university. Since i did not pass the entrance for my desired university i got stuck in a college. I chose the course that will accomplish another of my desired jobs, which is to be a part of square enix and to work along side sir Tetsuya Nomura, one of the directors in square enix. But i find it really hard studying computer programming so i quit at the end of the semester.  And now i’m taking a course in business which i only pick because there is a business which means MONEY!. But still, i don’t know what i really want to do, it makes me sad that i’m this old and i still don’t have life figured out yet. I can’t even finish the first book in the series of a song of ice and fire by George R.R. Martin, that is how lazy i am. Currently i just want to do is to play video games, try to be better in playing guitar and play some real music, and to retake what i left in the art world and draw some stuffs that i wanted to draw.

How i wish that there is a Neverland, like in peter pan, where i can do almost everything i want for a long time where i will not age!. A place where i could play all day long till i get bored or learn how to play different kinds of genre or even instruments. A place where i can waste my time till i want to be serious in life and till i find what i really want to do. Cause in real life ,where the clock is ticking, i can’t be so slow. I can’t waste even a second cause i don’t know when will i die or will i achieve some of my dreams before i passed away. Dreams or inspiration does not really last their boost with me it will last only for a couple of minutes or couple of days.

Life is so fair that you cannot be lazy, it is so fair that if you don’t want to be left behind you need to do what you need to do.

Everyday i think about what might happen if i’m still like this after 5 yrs? I bet that my girlfriend will possibly leave me for being a slob. What if my parents are dead and my brother and sister already have their own family? I can’t just knock on their door and be a slob and stay with them till i die. I need to man-up! To achieve my needs and even my wants. I know that i cannot be a slob for a long time. Now all i can dream of is to move! And do what i want to do! I need to wake up! I don’t want to dream of being an architect, game programmer, rockstar or even a director cause all of those will just become a dream for me and will lead me to nowhere. All i need to do is wake up, cause as long as i’m thinking of what i want to be or what i could possibly be after  5 to 10yrs i will not achieve anything, ANYTHING.

So that is my current solution to my biggest problem. But i still want to be in neverland just to have fun and waste my time in doing things i really wanted to do so how i wish it does exist.




Start to move!